So the boyfriend and I went on a long bike ride in Malibu on Sunday, starting and ending in Zuma Beach. When we took off, there were some organizers setting up a banner and an amp, and by the time we returned, a straight-up revival was in effect. Hymns, testifying, the whole nine.
I can't pass up a revival, y'all. Especially these days, when it's starting to look like Catholic gay people will soon get stopped at the church door and asked whether they have a reservation, Sky Bar style. So we went in for a closer look, and the banner read "NAPPING IN THE SPIRIT."
Napping In The Spirit?
A new speaker grabbed the mic and began her testimony: "Hi, I'm Jewel. And I'm a napper."
I'm a napper?
Jewel thanked the previous speaker, who had to jam to LAX and catch a 7pm flight home (it was 5:15), and she implored the Lord to "just get in there and open up that freeway."
My Religi-Sense tingles when people ask the Lord to intervene in traffic. And when they call for assassinations. So we split, wondering the whole long drive home what "napping in the spirit" meant.
A quick visit to their website cleared that right up. By "napping in the spirit," they mean napping. In the Spirit. We had caught them, as luck would have it, in the middle of their MEGA-NAP.
Founder Susan M. Watkins explains:
December 4, 2003 at 8:30AM I was on my way to work driving and praying. Tears in my eyes, I became full of gratefulness and humility and I ask, "Lord what can I do for you? You've done so much for me." There was no music, no cell phone and complete silence. Five minutes into my drive the Lord began to speak to me. It was coming so fast I could not comprehend or retain it all. I pulled over and with a pen & pad; I began to write what I was hearing.
The Lord Said, " I give you a ministry: Napping in the spirit" I said, "What is that?" He said "Napping in the spirit, that's the name. It will be every Sunday from 7pm-8pm-open the doors to your home between those hours. I will meet my people there every Sunday between those hours. (Exact) I want them to come and talk to me. I will meet them there at that exact time. It's the most important appointment of their life. All must bring blanket, mat, pillow to lay on the floor. There will be yoga stretching, opening prayer, word of God tape and quiet time (all in one hour). You will send invitations through the mail with a flyer."
First of all, God is organized, detailed and direct. He should have tried out to be a contestant on "Apprentice: Martha Stewart," because He would have a solid chance at winning.
Second, I've been sleeping through Mass since as far back as I can remember. I had no idea how holy I was! Kick ass!
Still, Zuma is a real shlep from my place, and the Lord usually allows far too much traffic on the PCH, so I'll be starting my own ministry. It may be one of these:
- Reading The First 60-75 Pages Of Books For Jesus.
- Together We Search Online For Pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal With His Shirt Off, a Christian Fellowship.
- Letting That Call Go To Voicemail In Praise.
Feel free to join! I will send invitations through the mail with a flyer.
